Gone Too Soon

I have finally returned and have almost survived the summer! It has been an emotional roller coaster. Let's play catch up...

In May, JJ took his karate test and passed to yellow belt! His test was the 14th, also Hubs' first day of work. Yay for a job!!! It was also the first day I had to be completely alone since February. It was a tough day. Kasey cat spent the day yowling and sounding like a baby which in turn caused my heart to clench. The 15th was our 8th wedding anniversary. We went to dinner as a family and enjoyed time together. I love my boys! I was also able to watch my oldest godbaby graduate from high school. Oh the wonders of technology! Being able to sit in MY living room at 11pm and watch his graduation in Alaska on the laptop. I totally cried! I am so proud of the amazing young man he continues to be. I spent the last week of May volunteering all day for JJ's class while they were camping. It did wonders for my heart to be surrounded by little ones. Memorial Day weekend we spent with my parents. Hubs had to work so JJ and I went early. Saturday we woke up and decided to go to the zoo. All JJ talked about was getting to see the elephants. We had a good day. It was hot, but it was good to be busy!

In June, JJ completed First Grade. We had a surprise birthday party for JJ at my mom's house. My bestie had just moved back to NC after living in Alaska for the past six years. Her kids and niece and nephew came over to swim with JJ. It was a complete success! My youngest god baby (9 at the time) sat in my lap and let me cuddle with her! Father's Day, we surprised Hubs with his own kindle. It was a good day! The next week was busy. We had dr appointments, JJ's actual birthday, and more appointments. My blood pressure was about the same; my platelets were 112k! My blood pressure meds were doubled. My dr and I discussed my cycles and how I had yet to have one since February (but in all fairness, I had been bleeding from February through May.). She did an internal exam, all was well, so we discussed options for next visit in six weeks. If I haven't had a cycle, she will give me some meds that will force bleeding. I was given a prescription for metphormin and told that it would help for pcos (which she still suspects me of having) and it couldn't hurt with my hemoglobin being elevated. (Earlier she had done blood work and called to let me know that I was pre-diabetic).

The week following, JJ and I drove to SC to spend several days in the mountains. We had such a great time for the most part. Except that our first full day, JJ fell down a mountain. He was pretty pitiful, but the girls were at his beck and call. We swam in a lake, went on boat rides, played in waterfalls, went to a fish hatchery and learned about the life cycle of rainbow trout. T even colored her face with a sharpie so that people would stare at her instead of JJ's tore up face. We threatened to have N and T kick people in the kneecaps if they said anything. C was able to spend the last few days, and I was super content: I had all of my babies with me! We learned that starting a new med and not going to bed on time cam make you a bit crazy...and hum henry the VIII...My week was over entirely too fast. :)

JJ and I left the cabin and headed to Georgia to pick up Molly. She spent the next ten days with us. We went to the aquarium and Golfin'Dolphin. We spent time with the sweet Landrum family. And then it was time for her to go home.

Then we had JJ's pediatric appointment. They are concerned about his weight, so we have to see a dietician.

We have a trip to Cocoa, Florida, so JJ and I spend the next week getting ready. We head to Fayetteville on the 24th of July. I am just feeling worn out. We have spent so much time staying busy to avoid thinking about the loss, and then here it is, whether I am ready or not. We leave with Momma and Anabel on the 25th.

My heart is heavy. Momma does her best to keep me busy-talking, alphabet game, talking...but in the back of my head my thoughts are swarming. Daughtry's song Gone Too Soon plays on repeat in my head.

"Today could've been the day
That you blow out your candles
Make a wish as you close your eyes
Today could've been the day
Everybody was laughing'
Instead I just sit here and cry.
Who would you be?
What would you look like
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could've been the next day of the rest of your life."

YouTube the video with lyrics. It is amazing. Tear jerking but amazing.

There were certain people we shared with first (our parents and siblings), but we shared the name. Part of the reason for taking so long was that I hadn't heard from everyone if they had gotten the news. I had wanted to share in the blog following the wedding, but we were unable to talk with Hubs parents like we had thought. Then the longer I put it off, the harder it was to write about. The next thing I knew, the whole summer was gone...

:sigh:

I still don't know if I am ready, but I need to do this...

Our Sweet Angel was a little boy. JJ was absolutely right that he had a brother on the way that he could share the secrets of life with. His name is Jeremiah Scott. We haven't told JJ the name OR the sex...we don't know how. Maybe we are afraid that Jeremiah will become one of his imaginary brothers. I am not ready for that. When the time is right, we will know,and that will be another hurdle that my sweet boys and I will cross together.