I want to start off by apologizing to everyone for neglecting this blog. I ended with a *WHAM* and disappeared. So much was happening. So much IS happening. I write blog posts every day...in my head. And I think of all the creative ways I could tell about something. But life happens faster than I am ready for.
I shared the baby's name and sex in the last post (August 2012). 2012 was a blur, to be honest. I remember bits and pieces. I remember the beginning and end of the year far better than the middle. I remember significant events like going to the wedding, the cabin, JJ getting hurt...but the blog had been used as my daily journal so that one day I could go back and remember. People will tell me about something, and I stare blankly, and they say "it happened in 2012, remember?!" No. No I don't. I don't know how the boys survived. I don't know how they got fed. I don't know how the laundry got done. I don't know much of anything. I remember sitting around. Most days I would read. Or watch Daughtry's video on repeat. I barely wanted to leave the house. And when I did, it felt like such a huge effort.
So, in August 2012, we added another family member: Sandy, the 9 week old puppy. The month was a blur taking care of the puppy: potty training, vet appointments, and overall playing. But I needed something to focus on. Something to make me get out of bed and get off of the couch. In September, my bestie and her family spent time at the beach, right down the road from us. We went several days and swam and spent much needed time together.
Now if you remember, my cycles have been a bit wonky since JJ's birth. And I had been given metformin to regulate my cycles. July and August were right on time. I battled nausea with the meds because they had to be taken on a full stomach. For me anyway. If I was the slightest bit hungry, I would get sick shortly after taking the meds. In September, the nausea was unbelievable. I finally told Hubs that I needed to take a pregnancy test. Because the week before I was due for a cycle, the nausea was so bad that I could barely get out of bed the days that Hubs was home from work. I took a test the day my cycle should have arrived (Sept. 18), and it was negative. I waited a week (Sept. 25) and took another test. Even though I was hoping, I was doubtful. Imagine my surprise (and my tears) when it was positive! Again I was terrified. Again I was ecstatic. But mostly I was terrified.
I took a video and sent it to Hubs. Because he was at work. And I just couldn't wait. It was awful. When he finally sent the text that he was on the way home, I waited a few minutes, knowing he would watch the video. And sure enough, a few minutes later, he called. We went to the OB the next day to have the pregnancy confirmed, and sure enough, I was pregnant.
I had told Hubs that we weren't telling ANYONE until after the first trimester. Until we reached 18 weeks even. And then Mom called and asked what was wrong. And I told her nothing. Then I cried when we hung up. And we decided to tell our parents. So I called her back and told her while Hubs called his parents. We were terrified. It was so hard to be happy when I was worried that any movement that I made would hurt the baby. I had so much morning sickness (which we later found out was because of the metformin) that my clothes were hanging on me. It worked because I was able to "hide" my pregnancy from everyone for much longer.
At approximately the same time in the pregnancy that we lost Jeremiah, I had my first appointment in Wilmington. My blood pressure was skyrocketed. We found out we were having a girl, and we already knew she would be Skyler Marie. We shared with our siblings that we were expecting, then we went Facebook public. The prayers and good thoughts that surrounded us the rest of the pregnancy were amazing. And it seemed my body knew we were telling because my belly exploded outwards. I started taking weekly pictures, and I remember my Mommy friends at the school laughing and saying that they had no idea I was expecting. And then when they noticed my belly, they asked when I was due, and when I told them June, they couldn't believe that I was so far into my pregnancy already. It was super nice to have people to talk to and to be able to talk about the pregnancy.
Amidst all the precautions and craziness of glucose testing and blood pressure monitoring, we grew a healthy baby girl. She was born via C-section on June 5, 2013 (at 39 weeks gestation)...she was perfect in every way. She weighed 8 pounds exactly and was 20 1/2 inches long.
This last year has had many ups and downs for us as a family. But I look at my beautiful kids, my miracle baby, and I know that God has a plan for us. I still haven't figured it out. I still ache twice a year for the precious baby that I will never hold. JJ knows that he has a brother named Jeremiah in Heaven. This pregnancy was tough on him because he was scared to death. Every day he asked if I was going to see the dr, and if I did, as soon as we got him from school, he wanted to know if the baby was ok. He started asking questions that were hard to answer. "Will this baby die like the last one?" "Will we get to see this baby first?" He had shut himself down and never talked about when we lost Jeremiah. He never asked questions. He just never talked about it after that initial weekend.
But boy did he have a lot of questions stored up. We powered through the answers together. He was able to go and hear the heartbeat after school one day. That was the best.day.ever. His face lit up, and his eyes filled with tears. And once Skyler was kicking hard enough, he would just sit with his hand on my belly, waiting for confirmation that she was moving.
He has been the best big brother. And I knew he would be. He adores his sister, and she adores him right back. They play together and laugh together. And she copies him endlessly.
God doesn't make mistakes. All happens in His time, not ours. He knew we needed her. All of us, not just me. Not just Hubs, and not just JJ. All of us. You, our family and friends. We needed her to know that all was not lost. To start healing.
This last year has been amazing. I'm only sorry that it took me so long to write about it, and that I didn't share more of it with you as it was happening!
Let's fix that, shall we?
