Let's Start At The Very Beginning

     Hubs and I were married in 2004, and within five months, we were expecting.  The pregnancy was almost full-term.  I had developed pre-eclampsia and was on bedrest for the last five weeks before I delivered.  JJ was born June 21, 2005.  He is the light of our lives.  We were so excited to begin our family, and we had always said that we wanted a large family (at LEAST four kids...)
     I was on birth control until April 2006, when we decided to start trying again for Baby #2.  JJ was almost 10 months old, and we wanted our kids to grow up close in age.  I was still nursing, so we weren't sure if that would interfere with conceiving, but we decided to try anyway. 
     My cycles were extremely irregular, but I had been told that if I was still nursing, this was not unusual.  I nursed JJ until the end of February 2007.  My granddaddy had passed away, and the entire family (immediate and extended) caught the horribe, nasty stomach flu that was going around.  JJ had it first in my little family.  He was pitiful, but we kept on nursing.  Then I got sick, and we tried to keep nursing, but JJ got worse.  I felt like he and I were just passing it back and forth, so we stopped nursing cold turkey.  At that point, that was probably one of the hardest things that I had ever done.  JJ was eating regular foods, but we still nursed at bedtime and naptime...and sometimes just for comfort...me as well as him.  I think stopping was probably harder for me than it was for him.
     That summer (2007), when I went to my yearly appointment and talked with the dr about how we had been trying to conceive for over a year, she told me that because I had been nursing, I may not have been ovulating.  She told me not to give up, to keep trying, and that now that I had stopped nursing, maybe we would have better luck...But she also warned me not to be discouraged...that it could take anywhere from a year to 18 months for my cycles to regulate, but she could see no reason for us to have trouble getting pregnant again because we were fairly young still (26) and both healthy.
     Over the next 18 months, I would have times when I would miss five straight months of cycles.  I would diligently take a home pregnancy test, just to be sure...and I would regularly have my heart broken when the test read negative.
     Summer 2008, the same dr kept encouraging us.  She said that my body was still trying to get back to normal; while it made sense medically, for me, it just hurt because I felt like my body was broken or that there was something wrong with me, and we wouldn't be able to have more children.
     By summer 2009, my cycles were still extremely irregular.  I would have a cycle, then go 3 months without one.  I would have a cycle two months in a row, then skip a month. 
     Hubs and I would talk about it and try to keep each other encouraged.  It even got to the point where I would take a test and not tell him because I hated disappointing him again and again with the negative results. 
     In 2009, we had joined an awesome church in Powder Springs, GA...First Baptist Church Powder Springs.  We had decided that we were going to involve ourselves as much as we could because we KNEW that God had a plan for us.  We KNOW that He answers prayers, not in our time, but in His.  The hard part has been trying to figure out and understand the plan that He has for us.
     Though our time at FBCPS was not as long as we would have liked (from March 2009-November 2009), we made many wonderful friends.  We joined the choir and had an amazing Sunday School class.  Hubs joined the orchestra.  JJ was involved in the pre-k programs.  I was involved with a weekly Bible study class.  I volunteered where I could.  For Vacation Bible School, that meant that I was in the nursery with the younger babies (under a year but not newborn).  I had the best time, loving on all of the precious little ones and playing all day long.  For the Mission Trip, I was involved with the choir and the Senior crew.  We went to an assisted living place and cleaned houses.  It was HARD work, all day long, but I felt so rewarded by the end of the week.  I knew that God was involved in every aspect of that week.  Once the schoolyear began, it meant that I was helping with the first grade choir.  Those children were so precious. 
     October 2009, Hubs got orders for NC.  Less than 6 weeks from the day he received the orders, we were packed and ready to move.  We had very mixed emotions about the move.  On one hand, it meant we were closer to my family, and a chance for him to get the schooling that the Marine Corps wanted him to have in order to get promoted to Staff SGT.  On the other hand, it meant that we were leaving our new family when we felt like we had JUST started getting involved.
     My cycles were still irregular;  I had considered getting back on the Pill just to see if my cycles would regulate again.  I had never had problems before pregnancy, but I had been on birth control for what felt like forever.  It kept my cycles regular, and PMS wasn't as strong.
     September 2010, we find out that Hubs had been passed over on the promotion board for the second time and would have to leave the Marine Corps the following year.  It was a roller coaster of a time because we just did NOT know what to expect.  During this time, we talked and began trying to face the reality that we may not be able to have anymore kids naturally.  We didn't know if we should start seeing someone for fertility treatments or if we should make the "official" decision to stop trying and look into adoption.  Bottom line:  we knew that even if we could not have anymore biological children, we had so much love we wanted to share with more children. 
     At this point, JJ was now 5 years old and in Kindergarten.  My how time flies!  He still remains the light of our lives, but he has been asking for a younger sibling since he was 3 years old.  He didn't understand why his friends had little brothers and sisters...why his cousins had brothers and sisters...and it is very hard to explain these things to someone so young to make them understand.  God knew what we needed though, and I have always told people that JJ is our genius-in-training.  He understands things that you wouldn't expect someone so young to understand.  He has a compassion for people.  He created imaginary brothers:  Daryl, Steke, Trackers, and Renkro.  He named them.  They are all older than he is;  they came into being when he was 4.  He was very serious about his brothers.  We had to hold their hands when crossing the street, have chairs for them when we ate dinner...he even accused Grammie of sitting on one of his brothers when we had gone to Florida.  They were all older than he was.  Daryl was 6, Steke was 7, Trackers was 10, and Renkro was 12.  They all came about at different times.  We were in Florida when Renkro came along, and I remember him telling me about his "fourth brother who was 12."  We were sitting in the hotel room, and JJ looked at me with very solemn eyes (it had been raining cats and dogs all day, and we were stuck in the room), and he said "Momma.  Renkro just walked out the door!"  I looked at him and said "Well, I guess when he comes back, he will get a spanking.  I know he's 12, but he's too big for his britches if he thinks he can just walk out without telling me where he was going!"  I didn't encourage his brothers, but I didn't try to quit talking to them either. 
     He would have days when he talked non-stop to his brothers.  They helped him when he was learning to go potty by himself and learning to wipe his own bottom.  He explained how to play video games and would ask us when we were going to get four Wii controllers so that his brothers could play too.  We had to let his Kindergarten teachers know about his "imaginary" brothers because sometimes he would say "My brother Steke..." and other times, he would say "My imaginary brothers are hanging out with me today."  By the summer of 2011, he wasn't talking about his brothers quite as much, but every once in a while, he would talk about them.
     He started 1st grade this past fall (2011).  He was still asking for a brother or sister.  He even started going through his "baby" toys and asking me to put them away because he was too big for them, but he wanted to save them for his baby brother or sister.  It broke my heart to hear him so serious about this, but I didn't know how to tell him that we didn't think we were having anymore kids.  He knew in his heart of hearts that he was going to have a younger sibling one day.
     Hubs and I sat down and had a serious talk.  Were we going to keep trying or were we going to look into adoption?  We decided that we would keep trying until we were 35.  At that point, if we hadn't had anymore kids, JJ would be 10, and we would seriously start looking into adoption.  We wouldn't adopt a baby though, we would look into a younger aged child, possibly 4 or 5, so that  JJ could be a big brother. 
     We knew that he was getting out of the Marine Corps in the beginning of October 2011, so we stopped trying for a while.  I kept telling my mom to be prepared to get a phonecall that we were expecting at the end of October...because God has a sense of humor.  It would be when we had no insurance or medical coverage that I would finally conceive. 
     I took a test at the end of October (Halloween morning), and it came up negative.  I'd had a cycle in September and had missed October, but this was following my pattern of irregular cycles.  We went through the month of November...an extremely busy month for us.  We had two trips to SC for weddings, and we stayed through the week of Thanksgiving to spend with extended family.  I was touchy that week, and I knew I was.  I kept telling Hubs that I wanted to take a test, but I would wait until November was completely over.  I'd had a little spotting earlier in the month for one day (the day my cycle was due to start if it was on a normal schedule.)  I kept imagining that I would take a test early on December 1, then call my dad to tell him Happy Birthday, and then tell him our good news.  My heart was hoping even harder this time that the test would be positive.  
     I forgot to buy the test, and later on December 1, we went and bought one.  I decided that I would take it upon waking the next morning...