What a lazy day today has been. It's been rather cool; we picked up Grandmutter and brought her over to Momma's house. We spent the morning/afternoon together. JJ spent the morning in the dirt with the dogs (he's a boy; what can I say?) We went out to lunch. It was yummy lunch, but a bittersweet time for me. The last time we had eaten there was New Year's Eve, and we were celebrating such a different time. Barely two months ago, yet it feels ages.
JJ, in that little boy way of his, asked "Momma, you remember the last time we were here and the baby was still alive?" "yes" I answered...because it was a fun time. I kept eating hotter and spicier food and just couldn't get enough; JJ was still convinced that I was having twins (because it would be cool to get TWO babies), and given the names Rocket and Rosalina. My dad laughed and said that they would be Rocket and Missile and come shooting out if I kept eating as much spicy food as I had been....Good times; great memories...
On our trip up on Friday, we had to make a potty stop for JJ. While in the bathroom, he asked me, "Momma, if the baby hadn't died...if he or she was born when they were supposed to, what would happen to me?" I asked "what do you mean?" He said "When you would go to the hospital to have the baby, where would I go?" I hugged him and told him that Grammie would either be at our house with him, or he would have been at Grammie's house with her. He said "Okay. I was just wondering what would happen to me when you and Daddy went to the hospital."
He still doesn't really want to talk about everything, but every so often, he'll ask a random question that takes us off-guard. I love him so much, and I remind him often how much he is loved and that he can talk to us whenever he wants. He is SUCH a good kid; it irritates me that neighborhood kids bully him and call him names. I am so thankful that he comes home and talks about it and does his best to ignore the meanness.
On the drive home today, the weather was NUTS. It only rained a little bit on us, but the sky was crazy looking. It was dark on one side, then blue skies on the other. Then the sun was setting behind us, so it made everything reddish...then we saw a rainbow. I tried to grab a few pics with my phone....
I love that JJ and Hubs have JJ-Daddy time quite regularly; I hate that tonight it happens to be 9:00pm, and they are still talking :) It sounds like JJ is having a lot of questions about karate before bedtime. Or he could just be prolonging the inevitable "good night." He was pretty tired on our trip home. It was just that sort of day. Before we even left, I was catnapping in the recliner at Momma's house.
I did get pictures of yesterday's party. I will get them loaded tomorrow and probably posted to Facebook. I have no idea of the rest of our plans. I might try to sleep in.
We watched Zookeeper with my parents last night. I liked it-kept me laughing. I need lots of laughs in my life. I have lots of knitting to work on. I am so glad I have projects and a purpose instead of trying to figure out what to do to keep busy. Perhaps my keeping busy is prolonging the grieving? I don't know yet. I do know that I don't want to sit around all day crying.
Kasey aka Fat Cat is feeling very needy. We left her for 2 nights. She has been fussing at us since we got home. I think she smells Annabel on us. She most definitely is NOT happy that her baby was being loved on by another animal! (JJ is her baby; she may not have forgiven me for bringing him home from the hospital, but she gets an attitude if we take him away or if another animal pays attention to him. The first time that Momma babysat her after JJ was born, she was so upset that she made herself sick. When we went to pick her up, she went straight to JJ and had to sniff him all over and rub all over him and love on him. She doesn't do very well when we take JJ away...or even when he goes to visit Grammie and Poppy for a few days without her.)
I've been so tired all day. At first I thought it was because yesterday was such a busy day for us-the busiest since we've been home from Wilmington. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe I am JUST tired. I don't feel depressed. I'm not having any "bad" thoughts. I feel like I've been getting good sleep at night. I'm not having any nightmares or any trouble sleeping. I do wait to go to bed until I'm so tired that I pretty much fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, but that's because I don't enjoy the what ifs. I don't enjoy driving myself crazy.
I think I'll get this posted; tomorrow is a new day! Good Night, Loveys...
I have noticed that my kids do this too. For sometimes weeks or months nothing, and then wham out of left field they knock me over. Lots of time they will not ask me, but either their Grammy, or possibly Aunt Jenni, and I will never find out about the conversation. (other than reports from others) I am glad he is thinking things through. A couple of years ago when we were driving past the VA hospital Nat looks at the cemetary across the street and popped up out of no where "IS that where we planted grandad?"
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