Catching up

*This is Sunday and Monday.  I had Sunday's written, just never got around to posting...so I decided to combine the two days.

    I woke up at what seemed regular time;  it was only a half hour later than I usually wake up.  8am.  I sat down and finished Saturday's blog entry, loaded pictures to the computer and got another post done with the pictures that I have been promising to share.  I felt very productive.  That is possibly the most productive thing I managed to accomplish the entire day.
    The book I had been reading was about this shopaholic pregnant lady.  When I finished that book, right away I started another;  just something I do, and after the pregnant lady book, I needed something new to get my mind off of that.  It was a murder mystery called Weddings Can Be Murder.  It was really good!  It was about a serial killer.  I read the whole book.  Thankfully, I will have two more books from the library.  One is by an author Tami Hoag.  I normally LOVE her writing, but after reading the serial killer book, I decided to go for the other book.  It's called What We Do For Love.  (Now, you must know.  I pick books randomly at the library.  Sometimes, I just go to a section and grab a title that catches my attention...one time that book was Eat, Knit, and Die Young.  Sometimes I grab a book because I know I have read an author and know that I like just about anything by that person.  I grab books because their cover photo is intriguing.  Sometimes I actually read the back or the inside cover flap, but not usually.)  So, this book...I must have grabbed because the title sounded interesting...like a good romance, and I haven't been reading a lot of those lately.  I was crying in the first chapter.  I went back and read the inside flap, and it made me wonder if I should have just left the book in my bag.  It's a book chosen before everything happened, so it's quite possible that I DID read the flap and just forgot about it after the last few weeks we've had.  I renewed everything online this last time so that I wouldn't have to just return the books without reading them.  The first two chapters of the book were about this couple that had been trying to have kids...she'd had 2 miscarriages...they had decided to adopt.  The agency set them up with someone...and for the last 6 months of pregnancy, they went with her to every appointment, decorated a nursery...everything.  The girl goes into labor and at the hospital decides she wants to keep the baby.  After that, the couple gets pregnant (completely unexpected) and she carries to term...only to have the baby and she passed away when she was a few days old.  :sigh:  Now the couple is getting divorced because she didn't know how to deal with her grief.  She shut down and forgot about her husband and his grief.  When she finally realized (years had gone by) and it was too late.  :whew: 
     Now...Hubs and I have a fabulous relationship.  He is my best friend.  We talk about this and are going through this together.  He lifts me up, and I do my best to lift him up.  I know that it's actually very common for that to happen after a tragedy.  We both believe in our wedding vows.  In sickness and in health.  In good time and in bad.  Til Death do we part.  As long as we both shall live.  Every single word spoken at our wedding:  the truth.  Before we married, I told him to make SURE that he knew that *I* was the one he wanted to spend the.rest.of.his.life.with because I believed in til death do us part, as does he.  I know I've said before, but I feel it needs to be said again.  I hate that we have to go through this, but I can't imagine having to go through it with anyone else but Hubs. 
     Dang.  I skipped over the whole rest of my day.  I started talking about the books...really, the rest of my day was pretty boring.  I felt like I was battling the eating all day (and not so sure that I was winning)...the weather was beautiful, but I never managed to get out of my pj's.  We were all bums until the little boy across the street asked if JJ could come outside to play.  He jumped up and said "let me get dressed!" and played outside for a while.  We did watch Honey I Shrunk The Kids on hub.  We also watched National Treasure and Forrest Gump on TNT.  I played Facebook games; Hubs wrote a paper.  We laughed at JJ every time we hugged because he would come flying out of nowhere and proclaim "I want to be part of the family hug!  Don't leave me out!!!"  He's a mess.  He wedges himself between us and wants to be smooshed in the middle.  At one point, JJ asked me when we were going to hug again, and I said "Eww.  I don't want to hug him.  Gross."  And JJ busted out laughing and said "whatever Momma.  You're being crazy."  Ahh.  He knows me so well :)  (I absolutely LOVE hugs...I'm definitely a huggy-kind-of-person.)
     Monday,  I got up with JJ to get him ready for school.  After Hubs took him and I had breakfast, I decided to work on some hats.  I finished one I had been working on then started another.  I finished that one, then decided to take a break.  I enjoy yarn work, but lately, I've had trouble focusing when I'm working on my own.  When I've gone to Momma's and sat and talked to her while working on a project, it gets done super fast (so it seems)...Hubs and I made a point to eat an early lunch because it was karate night.  We leave at 4:30 to go to Subway and get dinner before JJ's class so that he has time to eat, and then we go to karate class.  It doesn't end until 6:45pm, and then we head home.    Hubs got a call that his library book was in, so we decided to go during karate.  (I wasn't sure we would have enough time, but he checked the mileage and said we would have plenty of time.  He was right.)  After lunch, I started another hat, but only worked a few rows.  I decided to watch something on Netflix; it finished, and it was time to get JJ from school.  Off we went, listening to our story.  We are finally on disc 12 of 16!  Yay.  We might actually finish by the time they are due back to the library this time.  We are on our final checkout, so if we don't finish, we have to turn the cd's back in anyway.  :sigh:
     At Subway, JJ's friend wasn't there because she was recovering from having her wisdom teeth removed.  Her manager gave us a paper and pen so we could make her a get well card.  :)  I wrote the words, and JJ signed...then he drew a little picture.  It was really cute.  His people's fingers looked more like something from Freddy Krueger, but they all had 5 :)  We made it to karate early.  Hubs got JJ checked in, and then we were able to leave early for the library (made me feel better!)  We listened to our story on the way to the library.  Hubs turned in his book and three of mine; we listened to our story on the way back to karate. 
     When I first read the Twilight series, my sister asked me if I was Team Edward or Team Jacob.  She would ask me after each book.  I couldn't decide.  After the first book, I loved her with Edward.  In the second book, I could totally see her and Jacob together...I wasn't sure how I felt at the end of that book.  By the fourth book, I felt that the series ended the way it was supposed to, the way it was written.  But I never really fell into Team Edward or Team Jacob.  Then a friend of mine posted on Facebook that she was Team Charlie, and I was hooked.  Right then, I knew that I too was Team Charlie.  I told this to Hubs, and he couldn't understand why I picked Charlie over Edward and Jacob.  Last night, after we returned home from karate, he told me that he understood why I was Team Charlie, and he agreed.  :)  Now, I don't expect Hubs to fall over himself to watch the movies with me, but I enjoy when we have something that's "ours."  We read Harry Potter together before Deathly Hallows Part 1 came out.  We had both read the series on our own, but we decided to reread it, together.  I read the entire series out loud to him.  It was great bonding time. 
     We watched The Voice.  I don't really enjoy the battle part as much as I enjoyed the auditions.  Cee-Lo and his cat still crack me up.  I didn't watch the final battle.  I was so tired.  I headed to bed, thought I would read a few minutes, and then get some sleep.  I started reading and had some teary moments.  As hard as it is to read about this woman's pain, I think it is good for me.  Her and I will take this journey together, and hopefully, by the end of the book, she is able to find healing.  I'm not perfect; I'm not healed...but I'm healing.  I don't know how long it will take or if the ache will ever go away.  But I am healing.  I can laugh with my family.  I know that this emptiness is not forever.  I continue to thank God for Hubs and JJ.  I know they are a crucial part of my healing.

  "Jesus said, 'Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me.' " John 14:1

 "A broke heart becomes a lamp of fire when we allow God to breathe on it and warm us with his life."

  "If things are tough, remember that every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there."

  "Regret will not prevent tomorrow's sorrows; it will only rob today of its strength.  So keep on believing.  With Jesus you do not have a hopeless end but an endless hope!"