A few random things that I thought about last night while lying in bed that I had meant to mention in previous posts:
1. JJ started talked to his brothers again the Friday evening after we told him that the baby had no heartbeat. When Momma came back the next day, we heard him talking and tried to figure out who he was talking to before it dawned on me that he was talking to his brothers. I even asked him to make sure who he was talking to, and he replied "I'm talking to my brothers, Momma!" I told Momma that he hadn't talked to his brothers since he found out he was going to be a big brother, and for her not to be surprised while at her house if she heard him talking to his brothers again.
2. I weighed myself last night and again this morning (just to be sure because you weigh more at night). I've lost 3 more lbs since last Sunday evening. I promise I am eating. I haven't been cleared to exercise, so besides the little bit of walking that I've done on our shopping excursions, I've been relaxing on the couch or at the table working on a puzzle.
3. We saw a spectacular sunset on our trip last night. It was all grey and cloudy out, and as we rounded a corner, there was this brilliant ball of gold peeking through a hole in the nastiness. It lit up the skyline. Hubs, JJ, and I all commented on the craziness of the colors compared to the rain we had literally JUST passed.
4. I KNOW that God is watching over me. After seeing the sunset in front of us, I stared out of my window. I noticed this cloud that looked like a heart; before I could say anything to Hubs, I watched the heart separate (as if becoming wings), and a head peeked out of the top. It looked just like an angel following us along.
Today was a busy day. Little M 's birthday party was amazing! So many friends and family gathered to celebrate the life of this amazing little boy. Yesterday, I mentioned the anxiety that I was feeling about today...it's the first "non-family" thing we've done since everything happened. I wasn't sure how I would feel being around so many people, especially so many babies and small children.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. So much love radiated for Little M throughout the party; we watched a video with pictures of his first year of life. I did take a lot of deep breaths during that. I wasn't emotional because of my loss; I was emotional because the video was a reminder of everything that Little M has fought through and survived. He is amazing; such a sweet personality on a beautiful little boy!
It also felt REALLY good to catch up with friends from high school. M&M, and I ran our mouths and introduced our significant others to each other. J&S and Hubs spent time talking and getting to know each other as well. We MUST get together again, soon!
I also talked with Mrs. M, a very special lady, about everything that happened. She had such healing words to share. God knows...He knows exactly what He is doing...exactly where we needed to be....and put us in a place where she would give me the words that I needed to hear.
Here are some reminders: Promises About Joy:
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." ~Job 8:21
"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." ~Psalm 30:5
"God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me." ~Genesis 21:6
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.' " ~Psalm 126:2
I was reminded of this yesterday. Watching the antics of Little M as he dug into his first birthday cake had me laughing so hard. And I didn't feel guilty for the laughter! (Something that I have been struggling with the last few weeks.) Watching the kids in the bouncing house...while it was drizzly brought smiles for both Hubs and I. Standing around talking to friends and catching up allowed more healing for my heart.
I thank God continuously for the little things: family, friends, and laughter...the blessings that get me through the day to day life.
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