It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take...
Who would've thought...it figures
~Alanis Morissette, Ironic
It's just been that sort of day. I worked on a hat, then Hubs and I went to walmart to return/exchange JJ's Easter outfit. I was hoping for one size larger, but they didn't carry the outfit any larger (that I could find, and we went to the other walmart just to be sure.) Thankfully I still had the receipt, so we returned it (and it was so stinkin' cute) and decided that we would just let him wear an outfit he already has for Easter. He just needs a tie.
From walmart, we went to Burger King to grab some lunch (since we were already out). We decided to go to the mall to see if they had any boy Easter outfits. Of course, they didn't. Well, they did, but they stopped at a size 6. For the older boys, you had to buy everything separate, and that was just too expensive at a department store. His dress pants that were too big on him at the beginning of the school year are almost too small on him now. I'll probably let Momma take a gander this weekend and then decide if he needs new pants or not.
We decided to go ahead and pay the cable bill since we were right across the street. I went in, and of course, only two people were working, and there were ten people in line. I waited because the bill needed to be paid, but dang were they slow. Thankfully, there were only two customers that really needed help; the rest were there to pay the bill or turn in equipment.
We went from there to get JJ from school. We listened to our story; it's getting really crazy now :) I already have recommendations for what to read next; I can't wait! JJ did his homework, although he really just wanted to go outside and play. He was only able to play for about half an hour because we had a give back night at Chilis that we had decided to go to already. I was glad we left early because it wasn't crowded, and I didn't feel rushed. JJ saw two teachers from his school. He was all smiles.
Our dinner was really good. We had great conversation and laughs; I do love my boys! But I also felt as if the Fates were mocking us. We were in a back section of the restaurant, and every table around us had a baby. Babies of all ages. And they were all so cute. And we waved and talked to most of them because that's just what most people do to cute kids. And I was ok...until I saw JJ playing peek-a-boo with this huge grin. I asked what he was doing, and he said "Playing peek-a-boo with the babies. I love playing with babies. They are soooo cute!" And I could see the longing in his eyes. I looked at Hubs and felt my shoulders sag. I felt so helpless and defeated. He gave me a sad smile, and I returned it...and we watched JJ interact with the babies. When it was time to leave, I turned around and saw the baby...the new baby...in the carrier facing Hubs. I thought I would lose it right there. I turned around and said "I am SO sorry. I didn't know that you were facing a new baby the whole time." We talked about it in the car...but before that, JJ's friend from across the street had come by to say hi...so when we left, we went by their table to say bye. It was cute, how happy JJ was to see his friend.
We made it through our evening. Hubs worked on school stuff, JJ got ready for bed, and I worked on my hat. Once JJ was in the bed, we watched Biggest Loser. I still worked on my hat. Hubs and I talked about what happened in Chilis. I told him the Fates were mocking us...we were surrounded by babies of all ages...and then that newborn baby staring right at Hubs. I told him how I thought I was okay until JJ started playing with them. I said "He wants to be a big brother so badly." And I cried. Hubs came and grabbed me in a huge hug, and I held on for dear life.
Life is so dang unfair sometimes. I just feel like screaming and throwing things around. Then I stop and reconsider and think "Maybe I'll just throw soft things so I don't cause any real damage to anything." Throwing things won't help; not really. Maybe for that second it will relieve some of the frustration, but it won't make me feel any better.
I was able to talk to my Person for several hours. With everything that's happened, it's been over a month since my Person and I have talked. (Hey now, don't hate. If Meredith Grey can have a Person, so can I.) We talked about everything. Life in general, books, hair, dealing with grief, books. My Person is A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I don't tell her enough; she listened, then distracted, then listened some more. It was way too late when I went to bed, but I felt like I had dropped a load off of my shoulders. I told her that I was so lucky to have Hubs and JJ because I knew they were what helped me keep on keepin' on. Sometimes it's a chore, but when I see the boys smile, it's completely worth it.
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten how it goes." ~Author Unknown
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~C.S. Lewis
"To the query, 'What is a friend?' his reply was 'A single soul dwelling in two bodies.'"~Aristotle
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